well literally i'm both listed above. i'm just feeling sick from all the bitching, the misunderstandings that have been present among so many people. i'm not even talking about friends. i'm just talking about family. my gosh. i know each family has its own politics but i'm jus sooo sick of it i'm sick of the 'face' issues. hey it's the friggin 21st century, what MIAN ZHI is there anymore? i dun give a shit. if it takes up so much energy, and so much of one's spirit, what the fuck and why the fuck should one care? well i've grown to act against the mian zi shit. the more you want your 'face', the more i'll break you down. vindictive? i dun care. why the fuck should it be so superficial? why isit so chinese to do that? argh!!! even for my late granny, even my parents, does havign a son actually mean so much to you? i'm very very very sick and tired and answering ppl's questions: "oh he's your brother?" "why?" "such a big age gap?" yah...like i would know why. i really wanna know why. am i not good enough for you? is having a girl such a shame? we're not in friggin fucking china you know. we're in singapore. when i see so many families with only girls, it makes me wonder and question so much about myself, and my self-worth. i'm very tired already. and recently i've been confronting these questions again. i dunno how to deal with them. and i dun tink i'll ever be able to deal with them. seriously fuck ray for all i care. bring him up any way you want. don't expect me to be there to discipline him because i cant be there all the time. i'm in friggin aussie most of the time. don't expect me to bring him up, or pay for anything for him. my duties are just to be filial to you. i didn't ask you to adopt him after 13 years. it's too much for me. mian zi...is it that important to you? let me ask you, is face-value that important? if it is, is this superficiality worth the pain, suffering and fret you're going to go through later on in life. you guys are too old for parenting. fuck this family and fuck face u tink i have issues, my family has greater issues. unhappy you tink i'm unhappy, you bet i am. i can't wait to work and fuck this family. work myself silly. |