screamings from the heart
i love my life
but sometimes it can be unbearable, not to mention heartbreaking
this is my life and my other side...
Monday, November 27, 2006
2:28 PM
you're a fucktard
What do all these following fuckin messages mean to you, you prick? They were written by you if you don't realise. Nothing right? Yeah all were just fucking words that swept me away. Words are just words. So much for fucking not wanting to hurt me. You know what, you're hurt me more than ANYONE in my life, my mother doesn't even come close. You made me believe that I could trust you again. When I was at my lowest, I still went further on, stripped myself from all pride, to tell you that I would do ANYTHING for you. I NEVER FUCKIN DID THIS OR WOULD HAVE CONSIDERED DOING THIS FOR ANYONE. What was I greeted with? Hostility and doubt. I'm extremely hurt and some part of me hates you already.
Wht about the times when..
i came back to spore and my mum kept scolding me for it?
i came back forsaking trips with my friends?
i allowed u to do things with me?
i dropped all my friends for you?
i missed certain occasions when you told me not to go?
i came back late at night risking being trashed by my mum?
i kept tellin u tat i loved u...u didn't do shit as well to reciprocate
ALL THESE FOR YOU...fucktard...
No doubt I deserved to be shot for certain acts. But I know I deserve another chance.
You know what I get it...it's all an act, you fuckin asshole. I hate you. You made me believe so many things, and i jus realised that the competitive you probably said all these shit to not lose to lai. It's not about me now...it's about your fucking ego. The ego tht didn't allow you to say things that you so-called wanted to say when we were still together. Your ego that made me insignificant. I was just an instrument, a toy for your fucking inflated ego. Right now, you choose your ego over me.
Yeah maybe all along you knew that I don't deserve you. And you know what...I guess you don't deserve me as well. You win, i lose...
honestly i know nothing i can do will make you want to get back with me it sucks and acept it i guess i will fight against it but i accept it so all i wanna do now is ensure that well you dont get hurt. thats all i can do now. if i can keep you safe then well i will be happy
even if i say i will never hurt you again its wld be quite unbelievably so i will show you. i know you are not ready now. prob i may not be ready now also but well i hope one day maybe you will give us another chance. and till then i will wait and show you my sincerity
...you say you dunn wanna be vulnerable why not, u can be so ard me, i will look after you and comfort u trust me,... i am glad you feel the same way i do. and i am glad you are turning to god for answers. trust God he will help u and give u directions. miss you and hope to see u one day soon. love u.
renzi screams again...
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what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s
what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)
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