more messages...what the?
the rest of 2005
i do care lor dear i do and no its not a hassle really..i do appreciate you care and i did return your msgs what all be it later...
you really wanna know why? its cos my gf is going out a guy she likes who is not me. what guy wld be happy bout that?
thanks for telling me that. you know what. i am over you now. really dunno why you always lie to me. i guess you could sense it was over when you did that also
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1st quarter of 2006
anyway here is a song i wrote 4 u. woke up one morning and the sun wasnt shining. just like the one before. sometimes i wonder if only i had not been angry at you or just shown it not. now there's just darkness and a whole lot of pain. if only i had know then what i know now then now would be the brightest day. what i wouldn't give to turn back time. to right the wrongs. to make amengs. cos now everyday i realise these wrongs can't be made right.
hmm good night pls pls pls take care.from a friend who cares for you. take care.
ok i promise you i will really really try to keep everything between us clean till everything is settled.
i just wanna say this then wont bother you anymore. we shouldnt have did what we did. all i can do is apologise. i was not using you or anything but really can't help it sometimes when i am with you like that. well you make your decision and i will make mine also think we both need to think, really sorry.
i cant the more i think bout it the more i feel i did you wrong. i let my emotions control me... dunno how i can face myself or you. i was not using you or anythiung but still what i did was not right...i can only ask you to forgive me...thats all only with a gf shld i do that kinda stuff...
after dinner lah...sigh..the more i see you the more painful it is.,.. and the worse thing is i wanna see you...
morning sigh..going to sch now...have fun at camp...sigh dunn forget bout me. dunn do anything with him...sigh
dunno my mind just runs wild i guess...sigh you will spend time with him sigh you will forget that i exist...sigh
as much as i really dont want you to go and that it sucks i know you that well you wld definitely go regardless so well have a safe camp
sigh lost my matric card...having probs geting my tut slot.. broke up with someone i love then really pissed her off...alot of stuff..sigh
think you not talkin to me..sigh...i miss you.
you know i dont hate you, i love you. if it will help i can swear to you my intentions are really pure i am not looking to get back together and i know you dont want that but i still must watch out for you so please think it over carefully. it wld really hurt me to see you hurt...
honestly i know nothing i can do will make you want to get back with me it sucks and acept it i guess i will fight against it but i accept it so all i wanna do now is ensure that well you dont get hurt. thats all i can do now. if i can keep you safe then well i will be happy
ok. sorry. hmm you are special to me too i am glad i was the first. honestly you are the first girl i truly loved to.
ok yes....i could...it was even more reinforced when well you cheated on me but i still knew i badly wanted to be with you...so yes i cld have seen myself marrying you but i know you could never see yourself marrying me...maybe thats why i kinda didn't dare tell you....even now i still feel that sigh.
i can guess tt u r afraid 2 open up to me cos i may hurt you again. tt maybe part of y he maybe better than me. u wld think he is less likely to hurt u then me. and i can understand that. even if i say i will never hurt you again its wld be quite unbelievably so i will show you. i know you are not ready now. prob i may not be ready now also but well i hope one day maybe you will give us another chance. and till then i will wait and show you my sincerity
pls tell him if u 2 do get tog that if he ever mistreats you i wont let him off and well if you do ever breakup with him and or realise that you cant forget me pls do come back to me k, my feelings for you will always be here.
sigh i haven't cried this much in quite a while. well pls tell me you will try to be happy and well yeah pls respect yourself k cos you deserve the best.
good nigth princess, going to sleep now. i dont care what you choice is in the future just wanna thank you for making so many of my days in the past. and well i really do earnestly hope and pray for your happiness in the future k i am happy that well at least i had a chance to be part of your life. and well if it is meant to be than it will be, be it now or a few years time but it wasnt then it wasnt be good to yourself and be happy k -grin-
i cant believe what you did. i dunno renee why why why? am i such a horrible boyfriend tell me why? i have always wanted the best for you i have even tried to hurt myself for your happiness why? do you wanna hurt me so much and you know i cant even huate you if i wanted. i still bloody fucking love you whats wrong with me. why tell me why? in the end i was the one who got lied to
how the fuck do you dare blame alco now after what you just said just now bout me and alco and sleeping with another girl. shit you know i trusted you. you dared to say that if i got drunk i wld cheat on you if were ever married.... how dare you. i wld never have done that shit to you u know.
you know when i see u so happy in pics with him in your blog, it really breaks my heart but well at least i know there will be someone to look aft u, emotionally n make ya happy. i know u will say u have been looking aft yourself in oz all the while but well 2 me i will always think u will need someone to look out 4 u emotionally n well as long as u r cared 4 i guess i have 2 be happy for u thats all i can do i guess n not screw up your life sigh
hey just read your blog. be strong. know that i am here for you well until you find someone else k. if you ever need a punching bag or a shoulder to cry on, i am here for you. disregard my feelings for you, take me as a friend only if you want its ok how i feel shld not matter but know that really i will always be here for you, as long as you need it till well someone else can take that place. and pls dunn close yourself off to me really it hurts us both.
just a thought. you have done something that you regret. i have done something that i regret. how bout we cancel them out and call it quits and start anew? k i will start. hi my name is kenneth. we have never met before but i think you look really good and wld like to get to know you better if u wld like. can i have your number miss beautiful? -grin- hah am serious u know
...you say you dunn wanna be vulnerable why not, u can be so ard me, i will look after you and comfort u trust me,... i am glad you feel the same way i do. and i am glad you are turning to god for answers. trust God he will help u and give u directions. miss you and hope to see u one day soon. love u.
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do u have to let it linger...do u have to, do u have to...do you have to let it linger?
renzi screams again...
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