my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

i love my life
but sometimes it can be unbearable, not to mention heartbreaking
this is my life and my other side...

Sunday, June 11, 2006
1:10 AM

pressurised.

i know it's a spelling mistake but i can't be bothered to correct it.

now my first priority is to look for another job. but the boys are forcing me to come up with decision.

the worst was last night i suppose. i was already so tired. i was frustrated at work and at the end of the day, i was faced with...them.

is there no such alternative to just be single and yet be friends with them?

i am very drained. i've said this before, that i'm emotionally drained. 3 years with kenneth and, the subsequent months have proven to be pretty taxing. i can safely say the same for the two of them as well. i know i shouldn't string them along because it's unfair. of course that has been highlighted to me time and again. like i'm unaware of that fact.

but when i do bring up that, one agreed and the other one, flared up.

i seriously am not ready to dive into anything.

i'm afraid of commitments...

i'm afraid of diving into something... i need to be in control... i need to know for a fact that he'll be the one for me. not that i believe in the "one" shit but someone who's suitably matching and right for me.

i don't like being pressurised. i do things in my own pace. once i'm forced to decide, i'll do a crappy job.

argh~

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

click below to
contact me

break daa silence *

actually i love silence...

my loves also include...
ball games
kenneth
my friends
my privacy

i love my past
August 2004 l September 2004 l October 2004 l November 2004 l December 2004 l January 2005 l March 2005 l April 2005 l May 2005 l June 2005 l July 2005 l August 2005 l September 2005 l October 2005 l November 2005 l December 2005 l January 2006 l February 2006 l March 2006 l April 2006 l May 2006 l June 2006 l July 2006 l August 2006 l October 2006 l November 2006 l December 2006 l January 2007 l

my other side
Me

Special thanks and mention to...
_upside-down*
from blogskins
`-kurt halsey*
for the drawing