my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

i love my life
but sometimes it can be unbearable, not to mention heartbreaking
this is my life and my other side...

Monday, June 26, 2006
10:28 PM

i'm giving up

i'm giving up not because i don't have any feelings, but i was afraid of your temper, your unpredictability. it was heightened yesterday. initially i thought maybe some day but you blew your chances, you really did. you not only made your family worried sick, you made your friends worry the hell out of you. i don't need a guy who doesn't give a fuck about his friends, not being responsible for himself. that...is stupid, and doesn't say anything about himself or his character. or well, it shows the lack of it.

one good friend of ours said that a leapard will never change it spots. i was trying to argue otherwise but after a while i gave in too. it's hard to change, habits come back. maybe one day if some things change radically, i may consider goin after him but for now...i'm giving up.

for making me worried sick, for making me run like a maniac, making a fool out of myself infront of the taxi driver wailing, for making me feel sick today... it may be all about "me"s here but if you think holistically or just the big picture, who's the more selfish one? one big turn off is not giving two hoots about the ppl around you, even threatening to hit me and keith. that is one big no-no.

SO there's no hope...

for now...

i don't even know why i love you now.

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

click below to
contact me

break daa silence *

actually i love silence...

my loves also include...
ball games
kenneth
my friends
my privacy

i love my past
August 2004 l September 2004 l October 2004 l November 2004 l December 2004 l January 2005 l March 2005 l April 2005 l May 2005 l June 2005 l July 2005 l August 2005 l September 2005 l October 2005 l November 2005 l December 2005 l January 2006 l February 2006 l March 2006 l April 2006 l May 2006 l June 2006 l July 2006 l August 2006 l October 2006 l November 2006 l December 2006 l January 2007 l

my other side
Me

Special thanks and mention to...
_upside-down*
from blogskins
`-kurt halsey*
for the drawing