screamings from the heart
i love my life
but sometimes it can be unbearable, not to mention heartbreaking
this is my life and my other side...
Sunday, June 18, 2006
1:46 AM
fuck
i have to deal with two boys.
i can't stand it any longer.
i want my space
damn it...
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lose lose situation - dua-ing mrL for my netball matches. he gets unhappy. i go for the damn gatherin because i felt tat i needed to, even though i had a fucking headache. then when i get warmed up to the crowd, i can sense that he's unhappy. he says he wants to watch a movie, but i say i wanna go home bcause i'm tired. then he's unhappy, he says tat i should 'make up' for it by at least goin for the movie (and if i do go, and fall asleep, he would probably say we should leave the movie half way...). yeah maybe some other time. i will be busy tomorrow, so i don't wanna make any promises for the FEAR (real fear, i experience tat ALL the time) that he'll be unhappy.
damn it, unhappy unhappy...
i want my fucking happiness. i don't wanna live in fear.
i don't want to report to anyone
i am frustrated, scared and...i need to punch something.
renzi screams again...
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what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s
what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)
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