my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

i love my life
but sometimes it can be unbearable, not to mention heartbreaking
this is my life and my other side...

Sunday, April 30, 2006
12:37 AM

i have violent tendencies too. i slapped my bro today because he pissed me off. i don't know whether i did that because of the correct reasons. sigh. will prob apologise to him tomorro.

hmm i hate my mind. somehow if someone creates some device to delete certain memories, i'll volunteer.

almost every single time i'm free, my mind wonders off and i start thinking of mrE. i catch myself looking at my phone to see whether he messages, or i slip into little pockets of daydreams.

i'm in serious shit

----
so are my parents.

seriously why do i have to take the blame for aggitating my brother. it's my fucking room, i can do whatever i want in my room. he throws a tantrum and i slap him, i get the fucking blame? i really don't get it.

at times like this, i also miss mrE. he was somehow my sanctuary. he'd say stupid things but for some reason, i'd still be comforted.

tts why i can't meet him now. i tink i'll start crying again. i don't want to be reduced to a vulnerable state again, i can't afford to. i think i want to but i can't.

----

alot of people have been advicing me on certain issues. easier said than done. that's all i have to comment for that. i mean maybe i lack the mental and emotional capacity to do so.

God, i really need you now.

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

click below to
contact me

break daa silence *

actually i love silence...

my loves also include...
ball games
kenneth
my friends
my privacy

i love my past
August 2004 l September 2004 l October 2004 l November 2004 l December 2004 l January 2005 l March 2005 l April 2005 l May 2005 l June 2005 l July 2005 l August 2005 l September 2005 l October 2005 l November 2005 l December 2005 l January 2006 l February 2006 l March 2006 l April 2006 l May 2006 l June 2006 l July 2006 l August 2006 l October 2006 l November 2006 l December 2006 l January 2007 l

my other side
Me

Special thanks and mention to...
_upside-down*
from blogskins
`-kurt halsey*
for the drawing