i hate nights...probable last entry for this blog.
i really hate night times. i feel like beating myself up more at night. hmmm think God's goin to strike me down soon. well if so, kill me quick and swift. i dun wanna die a slow and painful death. anyway...messages from him...
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Anyway going for supper now wont sms disturb you think yuo are busy. Pls jus tell me if you are happy now thats all i wanna know. That wld make me happier now. Hmm i'm not saying anything about getting back or anything k but just consider i was happy with you prob not over ya yet but welll it takes time. ----> sigh we'll never get back together. and what difference would it make if i were happy or not. hmm sigh i deserve to be shot.
huh? you ok? hmmm...............................really can tell me if you are happy now i just wanna know thats all. i do want you to be happy ------> sigh as long as u're happy, i'll be happy.
what if i was not happy? wld it make any difference? i'm happy guess cld be happier but life is ok so i am happy haha ------> like i said, as long as u're happy. and knowing that u're happy does make a difference. it makes me less guilty for breakin ur heart and more importantly, i still care for you.
i was saying i dont regret us lah and that i wld do it again if given the choice to go back in time and the sex was good and was asking are YOU happy now? -----------------> I DUNNOOOOoooooo...... i really dunno. i'd like to think i am but when i'm alone i start to doubt myself and my feelings again. (but yesh....the S word was good hahahahhaha)
eh no really dunn be angry i really am not being sarcastic really all i have said is out of concern really no shit i dunn have to give you shit we can be friends really just cant go out with the guys and i really do want you to watch for yourself cos i am still concerned for you blk i said is true lah -------------> hmm u sounded sarcastic (in next few msgs) and no, i'm not angry...can we really be friends? hmm realistically speaking, it's hard lor..
yeah. u? well if you need physical comfort come to me. hee. oh and really be careful kesp with guys. dunn take this the wrong waybut guys alot of times just want well you know and err well hope this doesnt anger you but you are kinda easy no offence but am sure lai thinks something like that. ----------------> OUCH... thanks for the advice anyway, advice from a friend i'm sure. yeah i noe i'm easy. have been and always been eh? maybe that's why you got me that easily anyway. maybe that's even kinky for you, i dunno. sigh... guess i'm easy in so many people's eyes, i'm a slut, bitch and whore rolled into one (damn it, all have the same meaning/connotation anyway). sigh...easy is subjective anyway. oh well...
well what to do...well we can be fuddies if you are interested in the future lah haha nostrings haha just good clean fun haha -------------------> the more i tink about it, the more i tink if i do call u wouldn't i be cheapenin myself? oh i forgot, you tink i'm easy. but i do have to say u're quite good, good at words, good in bed. oh well...
yeah when i thought about it kinda. really too much lah you cheatin on metwice plus a lot of what we had was mainly physical lah i think alot of sex. ------------------> DITTO.
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my last entry for this blog. i'll be moving. think i need a break from everything. i'm pretty settled in another blog right now. guess this is it. i've caused so much trouble so much heartache. so much so that i'm startin to hate myself. guess it takes time. i thought about it. many people will have their opinions about me as well, probably something along the lines of how i am viewing myself at the moment. i'm hating it but i guess i have to live with the consequences eh?
i'm a bitch, i'm a lover, i'm a child, i'm a mother, i'm a sinner i'm a saint...
let's see..last words? i love kenneth joel elias. and like my previous ex, dom, i'll always have a soft spot for him. however like dom, once i break up (or well for this matter, i dunno who broke up with who, ken tinks he broke up with me so yeah) there's not turning back even though i may pine for him (he'll never want me back anyway). i am not good enough for him, and probably anyone. i'm goin to die with thick bouts of cobwebs stuck on me. i just know it
mannn..i almost sound like i'm self-depreciating myself. i know i am, well *shrug*
time to go now.
renzi screams again...
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