my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

Thursday, December 01, 2005
9:05 PM

=(((

after typing out cheng's msg, a sudden influx of emotions came surging through my faculties. =( spending time with the stupid boys and silly gals hit me that it's time to go back. funny how things turned out. i mean since the beginning of this year when i stepped into the plane, i prayed and wanted this year to end quickly. it did come true, the prayer that is, but somehow i'm jus lost and sad, not to mention reluctant to go back. nothing life changing happened but i just feel that time spent here is not enough.

this year's been the best year of my undergraduate term. i met the best people and made more friends that i didn't expect to get close to. i did so many things i thought i wouldn't do. it's all ending too quickly. i'm not prepared. come to think of it, i haven't prepared myself for this.

when cheng left this morning, i realised things will be different. no matter what shit people say about how things wouldn't change, and as ideal as it may sound, it remains well, idealistic. people change, circumstances change...nothing will be the same.

sigh...soon all the peeps will be returning to their respective home countries for good, or either that for their summer break. it doesn't really help that i'm one of the last to leave melbourne. it really feels that everyone's leaving me to some extent. i guess i'm beiung overly dramatic here but i suppose spending 3 years of your life in an environment that is totally foreign, adapting and making the best out of everything does drape you down when you know you're reaching the end point.

that's why i hate endings, i dun like reading story books, i dun really like watching movies, i don't like goin for camps, there are always endings. sigh... oh well....

i should be goin over to wani's soon. i shouldn't be at home brooding. i need to get out of the house... =(((

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

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