my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
1:02 AM

since this is the case

shit...i jus lost a whole chunk of angst !!!! ARGGGHHHHHHH

okok..let me try to recap.

i feel like puking blood, well not literally of course. no matter wat i say or do, i won't be able to convince u about how life works.

i dun understand why i even give a fuck when you don't even give a fuck about urself, about the people around u who care. wait let me rephrase...of course u're giving a fuck about urself, u're wallowing in self-friggin-pity. what i dun understand is why i give a fuck about ur life when u dun even give a fuck, treasure what's in front of u, your family, ur friends who love u, even God.

there's so much to be thankful about, i'm not even talkin in terms of being a christian, but it's how u see things i suppose. everything has to be right for u. one fact for u - things ALWAYS don't go as planned. you always have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. wait, i forgot u lost all hope already. seriously then, why confide in me, why write it in ur blog? i can't be bothred to link that with hope because i'm jus tired. i need rest. hell, i dun even tink i'll be talkin to the stupid boy because i put off talkin to him because i wanted to make u feel better but heyyy...it's just idealistic me talkin eh?

kinda reminds me of one time when i snapped out of wallowing in self pity. then i wrote something in my blog..something like...."
Well well all i have to say to you, Renee Yang, is that whenever you feel low, down or like shit, just remember you owe it to yourself to succeed. NOBODY, and i mean NOBODY can prevent you from thinking that u are good! Remember YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE. that means that you are responsible for your ups and downs. things can be planned. even if sometimes something unexpected happens, you know you can deal with it because YOU ARE RENEE!!!"

hahhaha brings back a lot of memories. tink it was when i was wallowing about the family. i'm prob still hiding and runnin away but i'll deal with it soon, when i go back. i'll have to pluck up enough courage to do what i'm supposed to do.

Lord, grant me the strength....

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

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