my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

Monday, June 27, 2005
1:07 AM

to kill or not to kill

i jus watched a disturbingly confronting movie. well not jus jus, but that is beside the point

i pondered about it for prob the whole of yesterday and today. whilst bathing it jus dawned on me that i absolutely cannot tolerate this weakness- that is to quit.

when i say quit, i mean quitting life. to put in simple terms- to kill oneself.
maybe it's jus me but i wouldn't bring myself to commit suicide. although some may argue its subjectivity and that i wouldn't be able to comprehend the complexity of what some are going through but my argument is simple. here are some people who are fighting for their lives, fighting to stay alive. some live, and some sadly depart from this world. and you compare these brave people to those shitheads (i'm getting passionate here so dun mind the vulgarities) who jus choose the easy way out- death, the unnatural way. man...

i get angry when i tink about those who kill themselves and get even more peeved at the idea when i find myself losing friends or the battle of life because of an illness or some unforseen circumstances. it's not for you to choose when you die. YOU DON'T DECIDE. there's always a reason(s) for things to happen, whether you see it or not, or whether you choose to see it. it's not for you to choose how you should die. leave that to the old man up there.

no matter what happens, it's a passing thing. you struggle, i struggle. everyone struggles. that's part of life. there are ups and obviously the downsides sometimes. but doesn't it console u and make you feel better when such obstacles are overcome? well for me, once i jump over a hurdle, i feel a sense of accomplishment. sometimes the hurdle makes you fall, but pick yourself, dust urself, wipe the blood (if there may be) and continue running.

you don't kill urself for anyone, not even urself. (i'm not even speaking in a christian context). wat i wanna drive is that commitin suicide is silly, cowardly and jus plain stupid. there's always a rainbow at the other side. there's always a silver lining. there's always a way.

lift your head up high, smile and prepare urself for the war ahead of you. never back down and never give up. be a hero for urself.

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

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