my dreams, my thoughts, my battles, my life

Monday, April 04, 2005
9:30 PM

sigh

i dun tink she got it. i wasnt referring to being prejudiced against him but. ulgh. is this counted as i've done my part? does that mean i can wash off all responsibility? why why whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....

her response was as follows (my response is in blue)

"Hi

I am happy that you have matured.. i've been thinking about this for a long time
Just a very quick note:

From Day 1, I dont think he is prejudiced against in any way. i did not mean that at all.
In my clear conscience, I have intended to treat/bring him
the same way just as how I have loved and brought you up these years. and love??? i dun call that love. if jus responding to me monetarily/materially love then i rest my case

I have not shrugged off my responsibility as a parent, though sometimes
my intolerance and impatience expressed may be judged differently by others. i mean more than tat. sometimes you jus dun bother about him, let him be and let him do wat he deems fit. if u dun explain things to him properly, he would never learn. I ALSO MEAN that when u and dad always go out, who is going to handle him? por por? the maid? you two really things for granted. u can't deal with him like how u dealt with me. i turned out alright. but he needs alot more guidance than me damn it!

I DO NOT agree that you have to tell people when asked about his origins.
Firstly, it's our family affair. Secondly, he is part of our family after all,
what difference does it make to anyone with this disclosure. please fucking read the mail again. i said that i will only tell when ppl ask why there is such a large gap. i dun wanna lie all my life. you brought this upon urself and why should i be dragged down. dun give me that family crap. yeah i know i'm selfish but well at least i dun tell him.

I just plead with you that this true fact should not be disclosed for no apparent reason
to anyone and especially to Ray himself .
Especially if he's still not grown up and he may not be
mature enough to handle such sensitive issue.

I feel that things may turn out bad and complicated
if disclosure is made at the wrong time, in the end,
can you imagine, who will suffer? i feel like u're playing mind games with me. maybe i'm being oversensitive. maybe i've been oversensitive all my life. God help me. ulgh!

Dad, you have anything to add.

Rgds"

renzi screams again...

what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s

what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)

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