screamings from the heart
i love my life
but sometimes it can be unbearable, not to mention heartbreaking
this is my life and my other side...
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
12:25 AM
what is wrong with me?
ALWAYS after i watch some tv drama serial that i plunge into acute, not acute, but i guess minor depression. i feel all down and start thinking sad thoughts.
what is wrong with me? it's just a drama serial renee! why do i immerse myself in drama serial after drama serial? why do i pursue such shows religiously? why?
why do i ask the question WHY? because i haven't been asking for the past maybe what 18-20 years in my life? why am i afraid to ask WHY?
i know sometimes i dramatise my life a great deal and doing that doesn't even make me feel better. does that make a better person, NO. hell yeah! fuck. what has become of me? what will make me happy? NO FUCKING THING. am i destined to not be happy? am i meant to be this sad?
i'm so fucking screwed up. i'm sooo fucking screwed up. sometimes i think to myself that maybe ken would be better without me. with a screwed up gf like me, he wouldn't go far. hahah
oh well...time to head on out...conquer the world.
~wish upon a star, ***renzi (it's 12.29am)
i'm going to look for a place that teaches russian damn it. i need to learn and master something.
renzi screams again...
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what really goes on inside my head?
evil thoughts
sad memories
plots
the "how-to"s
the "what-if"s
what i want to accomplish before i die
buy my own ring
earn at least 10K before i turn 30
support the family
bungee jump and survive
sky dive with someone i love
drop to at least a 47kg
say "i love you" to someone with conviction
reach,according to alvina, sexual peak...HAHAHA
say "i love you" to my parents
go to europe and backpack with someone
plan someone's wedding
make someone's day everyday
perform in at least one musical/play
open my own business (either pecking duck OR bakery)
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